How do you tell your children that their parents are getting divorced? The hardest aspect of dealing with the divorce is to discuss the concept of it with your children. This change in the family dynamics can have long lasting effects on your children. Children want their parents to stay together. Unfortunately, the children have absolutely no say in the breakup of their parents’ marriage.
Don’t Confuse Negative Feelings Regarding Your Spouse with the Love of Your Children
It is in the children’s best interest to have a relationship with both of their parents. A divorce situation deals with the parents breaking up with each other. When discussing issues involving a divorce with children, each parent should strive to tell the children that “both mommy and daddy love you.” Neither parent should speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children. Even in the difficult situations, both parents should do their best to hide their feelings of anger and resentment concerning their spouse from their children. Children are like sponges; they absorbed their parents feelings and sometimes make them their own.
Therapy
For some children, seeing a therapist during this difficult time of the breakup of the marriage can be helpful in getting the children acclimated to the new life situation. If one parent is moving out of the marital residence, a discussion should be had with the children concerning the schedule in which they will spend time with their father and with their mother. It can be explained to the children this will not impact on their social events, friends and where are they go to school. It should be explained to the children although their parents may not be living together, neither of them will ever stop loving them. It should be crystal clear to the children although their mother and father are separating from each other they are not separating themselves from the children.
Keep the Well Being of the Children in Mind
Some divorces can develop into an extremely acrimonious situation. There may be extensive litigation regarding custody, child support, visitation and distribution of marital property. However, the basic theme of “daddy and mommy are divorcing each other and the both of them love the children” should be maintained no matter how difficult the divorce case becomes.
Conclusion
Children can become the victims in a divorce case. Adults will move on with their lives but the children will always have the same father and mother. Both parents should consider their children’s best interest before their own in a divorce situation. They should strive to keep the children out of the litigation process and insulate them from the negative feelings that exist between their parents!
About Elliot S. Schlissel
